Complicated
by XxShadowBabyxX
Summary: Remus has a complicated life, and Lily tries to understand and help.


_Hogwarts, 1976_

"Remus!"

The werewolf glanced up tiredly from the couch, looking out the portrait entrance as his name was called, expression rather dazed and sleepy. Lily had just entered, a bright smile on her face. Remus was back! True, it had only been a few days he'd been gone, but Lily couldn't help but miss her friend's presence. It got rather lonely without Remus around.

Sirius frowned lightly as Lily entered the common room, gently pressing Remus's head back down in his lap. "You need to rest," he muttered, running his fingers through the other 6th year's hair. "You can talk to her later."

Lily walked over to the two Gryffindors and sat on the ground in front of them, a small frown appearing on her face. "Everything alright, Rem? Did you catch whatever your mum had?"

"'M fine, Lils," Remus murmured, pushing himself off of Sirius's lap, much to his protest. "Jus' tired... from taking care of my mum, ya know?"

"I suppose so... seeing as you have to visit her once a month," Lily slid her bag off her shoulder and went up on her knees to match Remus's height. She brushed the back of her hand against his forehead, brushing his bangs away. "You're really hot... Have you visited Madam Pomfrey yet?"

Remus gave a weak smile in return, lightly taking Lily's hand by her wrist and pulling it down from his forehead. "Aw, didn't know you thought of me like that, Lils..." he teased softly, ignoring her question completely. He just spent the last day in the Hospital Wing, and he certainly didn't want to waste anymore time there than needed.

Lily snorted in amusement and squeezed Remus's hand. "You're funny, Rem, but really," she rubbed her thumb over the top of his hand. "You look really tired; shouldn't you be up in your dorm sleeping?"

Sirius scoffed with an eyeroll, leaning an arm on the armrest of the couch. "That's what I said," he gave Remus a pointed look. "However, when I came back he was doing his schoolwork instead of sleeping, stupid prat. That's why we're down here... and he was _about_ to fall asleep until someone showed up." he moved his gaze to Lily.

Lily winced slightly. Ah, shoot, she didn't think Remus would be sleeping when she entered. "Well," she said, standing up. She leaned over to press a light kiss to the top of Remus's head. "In that case, I'll leave you two be. Get some rest, Remus," she put her hands on her hips and met Sirius's gaze. "Watch him, Black. Make sure he sleeps some."

A small grin made his way up to Sirius's face and he wrapped his arms around Remus's chest, tugging him back down into his lap. "Can do, Evans," he grabbed a pillow and put it on his lap, gently pushing the other boy's head onto it. "Sleep, Moony."

Remus grunted unhappily, slumping against him in defeat. "You're all teaming up against me," he muttered, voice slightly muffled from the pillow. "'S not fair."

Moony... There was that bloody nickname again. Why in the name of Merlin's beard would Remus be called Moony? Lily picked up her back with a light smile, keeping her confusion silent. "It's 'cause we care about you, Remus," she laughed softly and pointed a finger at Sirius, green eyes narrowing. "Black. We're talking later."

Sirius blinked and made a finger gun at her in response. "Can do, Evans," he repeated with an easy grin, and he ruffled Remus's hair, earning a sleepy grunt of protest. "Now shoo. Remus needs sleep."

Lily rolled her eyes and waved at the two, heading up into the girls' dorm. It really didn't make any sense... Every month. Once a month. Something happened to poor Remus, and it just seemed to make him more and more ill every time. He was a very sickly-looking boy to begin with, but why was it that whenever he left, he seemed to get worse?

She lay on her bed and pulled a small notebook out from under the mattress. The witch opened it and flipped to the bookmarked page. She opened an ink bottle she had on the side table and dipped her quill into it, quickly jotting down the day's date.

 _October 7th - 9th, 1976_

With a frown, she swung her legs a little, scanning the entire notebook carefully. She had been writing all the dates that Remus left in the notebook, ever since the beginning of third year. What was the connection? There had to be one... Unless Remus's family just had _really_ bad luck. Lily seriously doubted that. Approximately every twenty-nine days, Remus just... disappeared. If asked, there was a different excuse every time.

 _Sick mother._

 _Aunt died._

 _Cat died._

 _Sick mother._

 _Cousin's wedding._

Just where was Remus going every month? Surely if he had a problem, he would tell her, right? ... right? Remus did... trust her...

Lily frowned heavily at the thought of her friend not trusting her, and it took all her willpower not to storm back down into the Common Room and demand that Remus tell her the truth. But, no. Remus needed sleep, and she wouldn't interrupt that again.

The other three Marauders were hiding something as well. What was up with those nicknames they always called each other? Wormtail? Padfoot? _Prongs?_ Where the hell did they even _get_ these nicknames? Maybe it had to do with their personality?

Lily nibbled on the end of her quill absentmindedly, some ink dripping from the end and onto her notebook. She made a face and whispered a quick vanishing spell to make the splot disappear. Honestly, quills were so unmanageable...

The redhead flipped a page in her notebook, jotting all four nicknames down quickly.

 _Moony_

 _Wormtail_

 _Padfoot_

 _Prongs_

She bit her thumb in thought, frowning down at the nicknames. Prongs... Did Potter have an incident with a fork of sorts? And Moony... something to do with the moon of course... But what did Remus have to do with the m-?

Lily dropped her quill in shock, staring at the name, then back at the dates. Moon... Moony... Once a month... How... how had she not seen this before! Merlin, she was so stupid! "Werewolf..." she breathed out, shooting up off the bed and nearly falling over in the process. She opened her trunk excitedly, rummaging through it. At the very very bottom of the trunk, much to her relief, she found her old lunar calendar from third year. Climbing back on her bed, she flipped to the right page in her notebook and matched it up with the lunar cycle.

Every date Remus left... It was a full moon. Dear Merlin, she was best friends with a werewolf.

Lily slumped back against her bed, eyes wide and mouth slightly agape. Remus Lupin was a werewolf. A werewolf. A supposed mythical creature who turned wolfish every full moon. Remus Lupin. Everything suddenly made sense to her now. Moony... The full moon. The constant disappearances. Why Remus also looked so ill and pale.

Remus Lupin was a werewolf.

The sixth year let out a long breath of air, rubbing the bridge of her nose. Remus should have told her... She would have kept his secret. A small fire of betrayal and hurt flared up in her chest. Did Remus trust the Marauders more than her? Obviously they knew about his... furry little problem! She groaned unhappily, slapping a hand to her face. Of course that's what it meant! So Remus probably didn't have a badly behaved bunny after all... Ugh, she felt so stupid.

The full moon was yesterday obviously... so perhaps confronting Remus today wouldn't be a good idea. Of course, Black was always an option, but he would probably give her a wild story instead of the truth...

With the thought of Remus on her mind, Lily slipped into a doze, a frustrated frown on her lips.

 **ooOoOoo**

It was around dinner when Lily woke up and trudged downstairs with her notebook. She stretched with a wide yawn, cracking her neck with a small sigh. Alright... now she just needed to find Black.

"Hellooo, _mērē kīmatī lilī-phūla_ ," a voice sang from the couch, sounding rather pleased with himself.

"Potter," Lily said sharply, eyes narrowing slightly. It wasn't Black... but she supposed that he would do just as well. She walked over and sat down on the couch on the opposite end of where he was sitting. "I'm going to ask you a question, and I expect you to answer truthfully.

James blinked at the sudden order, holding his hands up in a lazy defense. "Uh, alright? But, just so we're clear, I have not pranked anyone all week, so it was probably Sirius."

Lily rolled her eyes and shoved her notebook into his hands. "That's not what I was going to ask you about," she stated, indicating for him to open the notebook. "Read it."

He _hesitated_. James _hesitated_. "Um- Look, Lily, if this is your diary or whatever, then I really don't want to be readi-"

"No!" Lily sighed heavily, leaning back against the armrest and crossing her arms stiffly. "Read it, Potter. Then explain to me a few things."

James paused, before slowly cracking open the notebook, cringing as if he expected something to jump out. Once he realized it was safe, he steadily scanned each page, a frown appearing and deepening with each flip. "What... what's this...?" he asked slowly, trying to stay calm. There was no way she knew...

"You tell me," Lily retorted. "Every time Remus goes away to 'visit his sick mum' or 'go to his aunt's funeral' it just so _happens_ to be a full moon. Want to explain to me why that is, Potter? You are his dormmates after all; I'm sure you've noticed this. Is Remus hiding something from me?"

James hesitated again, visibly swallowing and looking rather nervous. "Well... it's... complicated," he rubbed the back of his neck with a sheepish grin. "And it's not my story to tell. If Remus trusts you, he'll tell you."

Lily's lips pulled into a firm line and she grabbed the notebook from James, closing it with a snap. "Alright. Remus trusts me. I _am_ his friend, after all. Where is he?"

James wordlessly pointed up the stairs to their dorm, a soft sigh leaving him. He didn't betray Remus's secret; Lily found out on her own. "Just uh... don't tell him I said anything, please?" he asked softly, dropping his hand and fiddling with his thumbs nervously. "I don't want him to think I betrayed him or something..."

Lily's shoulders sagged. Oh Merlin, it was hard to say no to that. Potter rarely showed emotion besides cockiness, so seeing such vulnerability was fairly knew to her. "Alright," she found herself saying. "It's not like you told me anything, anyways." With a small scoff, she stood up and headed up the stairs to the sixth year boys' dorm. "Thanks, Potter."

James grinned brightly, hazel eyes lit up behind his glasses. "Any time, Evans!"

A little chuckle left her, and she walked upstairs, pushing open the door to the dormitory. It was dark... There were no lights on, but she could hear some rustling from a bed. "Remus...?" she spoke up softly, grip on her notebook tightening. "Remus, are you in here?"

A small grunt left the bed to her left, and she blinked, inching her way over. "Are you decent? Can I come in?" she asked to the closed curtains.

The bed creaked from behind the curtains as Remus shifted, and he poked his head out. "Yeah, I am," he opened the curtains more to let her in. "Do you need help with Defense?"

Lily smiled a bit at the friendliness and climbed onto the bed with Remus. "That's sweet, but no. You weren't even here for the Defense lesson, so you wouldn't be much help, anyways."

Remus cringed slightly and moved some of his books and parchment to the side so Lily could have a spot to sit. "Ah, right. Sorry about that," he mumbled, scribbling something down on a piece of parchment. "What did you need me for, then?"

Lily stared at him curiously, looking around Remus's little bed-cave. "How come all the lights are off? It's rather hard to see, I think..."

"The light was hurting my eyes," Remus said shortly, flipping a page in his Potions book and quickly writing something else down. "What was it you needed, Lily?"

She pursed her lips slightly and gently tilted Remus's head up from the book so she could look at him properly. "Shouldn't you be sleeping? You must be exhausted; the full moon was just yesterday..."

Remus squeezed his eyes shut. "I-I suppose but-" his eyes suddenly snapped open, breath caught in his throat. He pulled away from Lily, nervously pushing against the back of the bed. "W-what does the full moon have to do with anything?" Stay calm, stay calm, she couldn't possibly know-

Lily smiled at him reassuringly, picking up the book and parchment on Remus's lap and setting it behind her. She moved closer to Remus, taking his hand in hers. "You know exactly what it has to do with, Rem. I know."

The werewolf trembled, tears appearing at the corners of his eyes. She... she knew? She knew... Dear Merlin, she knew.

Suddenly, Remus wasn't sixteen anymore. He was twelve, and his three friends were crowded on his bed, eyes soft, yet accusing.

" _We know, Remus. We know you're a werewolf."_

" _I-I... I'm sorry," words had been caught in Remus's throat, and the walls that he had tried so hard to keep up since he was five broke. The dams rushed out, and Remus had blubbered out weak apologies and promises that he wouldn't talk to them if they just didn't tell. "P-please don't tell; I've never hurt anyone and I'm s-safe and no one knows besides you and p-"_

 _One hug._

 _Peter had thrown himself on Remus in an attempt to stop the waterworks, hugging him tightly. "We're still your friends, Remus."_

 _Two hugs._

 _James was next. He was calmer than Peter, but just as reassuring and friendly with the hug. "We'd never abandon you. You're our friend."_

 _Three hugs._

 _Sirius was last, and he took the longest. His hug was the tightest and most comforting. He had pressed their foreheads together and murmured, "of course you've never hurt anyone; you're Remus Lupin. You even let the spiders out for Merlin's sake. You're safer than the rest of us put together."_

 _A watery laugh had left him, and Remus was filled happiness and joy, more tears escaping. He was accepted._

Remus was sixteen again, and he was being pulled into a tight hug by the redhead in front of him. A shaky sob escaped his lips and he tightly hugged her back, arms winding around her waist as he tucked his head against her neck. "I'm ss-s-sorry-" he trembled. "I should- should have told-"

"Remus..." Lily could feel her heart breaking at the sight of her friend. "You're my friend. Yes, I agree that you should have told me sooner, but I honestly can not blame you. You were scared I would reject you, but I'm not. I would never."

"L-Lily I-"

"You're my friend, and friends don't do that to each other." Lily pressed a light kiss to the top of Remus's head. "Okay?"

A sharp breath left Remus, and he reluctantly slumped against Lily, too tired to put up a fight. "Sorry... for not..." he squeezed his eyes shut. "I-I do trust you..."

"And so do I with you," Lily pulled away from the hug (rather reluctantly, she had to admit) and smiled at Remus, brushing away some of his tears with her thumb. "You're a wonderful human being, Remus. I'm not leaving you."

Remus looked hesitant, before giving a small, reluctant smile. "A-alright... Thank you..." he rubbed his arm stubbornly over his eyes, sniffling. "S-sorry for... the waterworks and all that..."

Lily took Remus's hand with her own and rubbed little circles on the back of his hand. "You have no reason to apologize, Remus. Your life is pretty complicated as it is, but I'm here to make it better."

* * *

 **mērē kīmatī lilī-phūla - my precious lily-flower**


End file.
